Hey guys, queens, men, etc.
I re-opened my diary after a short "deletion-period' due to some paranoid thoughts.
I just don't know what to say anymore. Not that I've lost my gay sense of humor, but after all we've been through, it's kinda hard to just get back to normal. 'Cause nothing is normal around here anymore.
I just want to thank all my foreign friends who showed their support and concern by sending emails and messages.
Let's all hope for better days to come.
Love
Fag
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
A variation of Homophobia: Heterophobia!
Not long ago, i was hanging with some friends. And there was this guy who came out to us: He was a heterosexual!
I couldn’t believe it! I mean the very idea of a guy sleeping with a girl is so…what should I call this rare unnatural phenomena?
And when you think of their poor parents and what they have to go through; the shame of having a heterosexual child is such a burden.
I once saw another heterosexual who told me this is natural and even some animals do heterosexual acts and I told him that there’s a difference between human kind and animals but he tried to convince me that heterosexuality is just normal and he was born this way!
I myself can’t stand this, all straight people should die and go to hell! God made us as kind and emotional beings able to love our own kind and gender but these people walking among us, calling themselves normal are just a disgrace and a treat to the families.
Let’s all stop this non-human act now!
PS: Don’t be mad at me, just laugh! ;)
The player…who played basketball!
I will call Mr. “A” tomorrow.I didn’t know what to tell him. Maybe I meet him. What will we do? What will I say? This is so hard! I just remember all those times we spent together. We really enjoyed each other. Going to classes, having lunch, fucking around, having dinner, sleeping. It was quite fun.
What am I gonna tell him when he picks up the phone?
You know there was only a problem; a slight misfortune, or misunderstanding you might say: He is straight!
All my love remained unanswered…for 3 years!
What a fool I was, it practically made it hard for me to fine a relationship, and I tried hard to forget him…guess I never really could.
When you love someone, they occupy a place in your heart and never leave. And at those moments that you think you forgot them, this feeling gets out and reminds you of the pain you felt.
By the way, I didn’t call him…didn’t have the guts to do so!
Friday, May 15, 2009
My inner brainstorming on being a cock-sucker!
Looking back I realize how lucky I've been when I came out to someone. Although it's not the same as cumming on someone!
My siblings, most of my friends and even my boss were like: "OK, what's new?" Not that I'm feminine or anything, but they were quite open minded to accept this fact. I even think my dad suspects somethings ans once my mom found a book titled: "GAY LOVE" with a picture of two guys french kissing, but she didn't say anything, just put the book back in the library.
But when I think more about this, I mean my parents and the fact that they kinda know but don't wanna admit it, I feel that this is not how I want my life to be; "Living an open secret"
Nevertheless, living out in the open with no secrets is not really my thing, it kinda sucks!
And I have lost some friends when I came out to them and I have heard some stupid homophobic remarks from them. But my rule is: "If you can't accept me for who I am, then you weren't my friend to begin with!"
Not every one is as lucky as me. A dear and close friend of mine was forced to come out to his family and went through hell! His family made him stop seeing us and eventually living!
Coming out is like a suicide machine, but after doing so, no matter what you go through, you just feel relieved and free.
You know, being gay is not just about the ass-play, it takes a lot of work!
My siblings, most of my friends and even my boss were like: "OK, what's new?" Not that I'm feminine or anything, but they were quite open minded to accept this fact. I even think my dad suspects somethings ans once my mom found a book titled: "GAY LOVE" with a picture of two guys french kissing, but she didn't say anything, just put the book back in the library.
But when I think more about this, I mean my parents and the fact that they kinda know but don't wanna admit it, I feel that this is not how I want my life to be; "Living an open secret"
Nevertheless, living out in the open with no secrets is not really my thing, it kinda sucks!
And I have lost some friends when I came out to them and I have heard some stupid homophobic remarks from them. But my rule is: "If you can't accept me for who I am, then you weren't my friend to begin with!"
Not every one is as lucky as me. A dear and close friend of mine was forced to come out to his family and went through hell! His family made him stop seeing us and eventually living!
Coming out is like a suicide machine, but after doing so, no matter what you go through, you just feel relieved and free.
You know, being gay is not just about the ass-play, it takes a lot of work!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
RE: Hey faggot, wanna suck my cock?
To Erazerhead and all those who need to know this:
I'm not afraid, this post is just a thought, a fact, yes I know a transsexual was stabbed to death in Mashad. I know it when people make remarks about my clothes, my swish, my hair-do, it's not a joke. It's pure homophobia, not some remark or friendly joke. I feel it. My point, which I confess wasn't exactly discussed is that before thinking about changing the world, let's make it more gay friendly, let's educate ourselves and educate others. I don't need to convince anyone that I like dick! I like it and I'm damn proud of it. This is the idea I'm trying to imply!
I'm not afraid, this post is just a thought, a fact, yes I know a transsexual was stabbed to death in Mashad. I know it when people make remarks about my clothes, my swish, my hair-do, it's not a joke. It's pure homophobia, not some remark or friendly joke. I feel it. My point, which I confess wasn't exactly discussed is that before thinking about changing the world, let's make it more gay friendly, let's educate ourselves and educate others. I don't need to convince anyone that I like dick! I like it and I'm damn proud of it. This is the idea I'm trying to imply!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Hey faggot, wanna suck my cock?
I've been thinking about our situation in Iran and all the troubles we have. But to my own amazement I got to a weird yet somewhat true conclusion: "Maybe it's better for us that the government and people don't realize homosexuality to be normal."
You know, as I mentioned in an earlier post, in a place like United States, homophobia is a serious problem for gays. Gays go through a rough time just to be themselves. But in Iran we don't live our lives as we want to; we live in hiding. So we are not that worried about homophobic acts.
But let's imagine the day when homosexuality is not a crime in Iran's law and we have the same rights as straight people. Then we can be out, loud and proud. Then gay bashing starts.
With a little attention to Iranian's background you can see that with all the religious ideas people have they will give us a hard time.
Right now wen two guys or gals hold hands in the street or show a little affection in public usually people don't care! Those that do, just give you a look and mumble something, basically their disgust and move on. Our families and friends don't know, so we just get the casual homophobic jokes from them about the facts of our being gay, although they have no idea.
But let's think about the time when it's all out. If you do a little lip job in public people will scream and shout, call you faggot, throw things at you. Then when you are walking down the street later that night you might be bashed to death.
I know, it's a brutal scene but it can and will happen.
All I'm saying is today we are only afraid of showing our secret identity and the capital punishment. But someday we will be afraid of a more serious problem: Homophobia!
You know, as I mentioned in an earlier post, in a place like United States, homophobia is a serious problem for gays. Gays go through a rough time just to be themselves. But in Iran we don't live our lives as we want to; we live in hiding. So we are not that worried about homophobic acts.
But let's imagine the day when homosexuality is not a crime in Iran's law and we have the same rights as straight people. Then we can be out, loud and proud. Then gay bashing starts.
With a little attention to Iranian's background you can see that with all the religious ideas people have they will give us a hard time.
Right now wen two guys or gals hold hands in the street or show a little affection in public usually people don't care! Those that do, just give you a look and mumble something, basically their disgust and move on. Our families and friends don't know, so we just get the casual homophobic jokes from them about the facts of our being gay, although they have no idea.
But let's think about the time when it's all out. If you do a little lip job in public people will scream and shout, call you faggot, throw things at you. Then when you are walking down the street later that night you might be bashed to death.
I know, it's a brutal scene but it can and will happen.
All I'm saying is today we are only afraid of showing our secret identity and the capital punishment. But someday we will be afraid of a more serious problem: Homophobia!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I'll have a Pesto and him to go!
Funniest thing happened today: A guy hit on me!
I was having lunch at my favorite restaurant and I went out for a cigarette and then this musical-cute-nerdy type guy came over to me and hit on me.
Yes, I am so pathetic. But it had never happened. I mean at parties and places where every one is gay that's quite normal, but not in real life. This reminded me of a story I wrote in my first blog called "Rainbow Man", only back then I was this virgin-inexperienced-nun and when some hot guy came to me and started flirting, I totally fucked it up!
The part that amazed me was the fact that I had forgotten I was gay! You know what I mean? No?
Well when you lead this double life when you are a respectful citizen by day and a cock sucker by night, you sometimes forget who you are. Man I hate this. But we all know coming out of the closet to a normal Iranian family with the religious background ain't easy. Let alone the society.
But every once in a while I receive nice compliments from my coworkers about the way I dress or my hair-do, and I try hard not to get their attention. When these things happen I can't help but admire those who live and act exactly as they want.
Back to the guy who hit on me today, I kinda blew this one up too...Well I have a boyfriend (Although I really wanted to have coffee with him!).
PS: I changed the name of my blog ;)
I was having lunch at my favorite restaurant and I went out for a cigarette and then this musical-cute-nerdy type guy came over to me and hit on me.
Yes, I am so pathetic. But it had never happened. I mean at parties and places where every one is gay that's quite normal, but not in real life. This reminded me of a story I wrote in my first blog called "Rainbow Man", only back then I was this virgin-inexperienced-nun and when some hot guy came to me and started flirting, I totally fucked it up!
The part that amazed me was the fact that I had forgotten I was gay! You know what I mean? No?
Well when you lead this double life when you are a respectful citizen by day and a cock sucker by night, you sometimes forget who you are. Man I hate this. But we all know coming out of the closet to a normal Iranian family with the religious background ain't easy. Let alone the society.
But every once in a while I receive nice compliments from my coworkers about the way I dress or my hair-do, and I try hard not to get their attention. When these things happen I can't help but admire those who live and act exactly as they want.
Back to the guy who hit on me today, I kinda blew this one up too...Well I have a boyfriend (Although I really wanted to have coffee with him!).
PS: I changed the name of my blog ;)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I am back: Check out his abs!!
Hey guys, ladies, and queens!
It's been a long time since I last wrote anything. But here I am now.
What made me come back is this: http://www.ketabkhane88.blogfa.com/
check it out.
The first thing that got to my mind when seeing this was: "OK, all the philosophers of Iranian Queer World are here again, saying the things they have always been saying, complaining to ears that are not listening, and demanding things that will never be achieved in this country for at least a hundred years (unless a meteor hits Tehran!)". and I thought to myself after all this, what happened to actually being gay?
As for me, I know I love dick (yup, I'm really vulgar!) and hanging out with my boyfriend or checking out guys on the streets as they pass by me. And I'm tired of being sad because "They don't understand us"
Well, fuck them!
And that's what I'm gonna do (not chasing after straight guys!), Just being gay and loving it.
It's been a long time since I last wrote anything. But here I am now.
What made me come back is this: http://www.ketabkhane88.blogfa.com/
check it out.
The first thing that got to my mind when seeing this was: "OK, all the philosophers of Iranian Queer World are here again, saying the things they have always been saying, complaining to ears that are not listening, and demanding things that will never be achieved in this country for at least a hundred years (unless a meteor hits Tehran!)". and I thought to myself after all this, what happened to actually being gay?
As for me, I know I love dick (yup, I'm really vulgar!) and hanging out with my boyfriend or checking out guys on the streets as they pass by me. And I'm tired of being sad because "They don't understand us"
Well, fuck them!
And that's what I'm gonna do (not chasing after straight guys!), Just being gay and loving it.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
CrazyDiamond on Cheraq 46
Saturday, October 25, 2008
In the Closet, Out on the Streets
Thursdays are hot nights in
This week I went out with a friend and my newly found love.We went window shopping at
Last night we went to a Sofreh-Khaneh (Iranian Traditional Restaurant), and just as we started eating, a group of ladies arrived and we all knew each other.
So I wondered: “Is the Iranian Gay Community a secret society? Are we afraid to show off our sexual orientation?”
The answer is obviously a big fat NO!
We’re all on the streets with tattoos, piercing, noticeably gay clothes and attitude, parading the streets, having fun and no fear. And people see us as “Fags Night Out”, and would probably go back home and describe the Lady boys they’d just seen.
So why do we always try to prove that in
I’m not trying to say that in
The difference is that in
I know guys who claim to be gay but in heart they believe that being an “ass-fucker” is a very shameful behavior. I know a lot of guys who believe that being gay is just being able to enjoy fucking a guy.
And among all these misunderstandings, we are expecting the society to respect us while we don’t really know ourselves.
So what should we do? Do we really have a problem? Or are we just imagining?
We are all living double lives. We are living with the fear of being forced out of the closet, so there is a problem. But the way to solve this problem is NOT running away, we should stand and fight for our rights by educating anyone who might have an open mind.
PS: To all those who find me a narcissistic-know-it-all-asshole: All I say here, are my visions and ideas, I don’t expect anyone to agree with me. I’m just trying to describe the gay scene in
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